You’ve probably heard the phrase, “He’ll get over it.”
It’s usually said after someone has been hurt by a statement. The person who said it will rationalize, “They’ll get over it.”
But will they?
For decades now, I’ve been doing my best to encourage people to go for their dreams. When someone says they have a desire to do something — whether enter a contest or work toward a degree or open a business or write a book — my general default setting is to urge them on.
After all, neither you or I can predict the future of anyone’s success or failure. It makes far more sense to me to be optimistic and urge them to go for it.
So you can imagine my shock when I hear people put their own family and friends down, or dissuade their dreams. It seems like the most unloving thing to do.
Yet they do it.
I know some people rationalize their own behavior with statements like, “I was just being honest” or “He needs to face reality” or the infamous “She’ll get over it.”
But are any of those statements actually true?
My bet is this: the people saying the negative, limiting, degrading or harmful statements have convinced themselves they are doing it for the good of others, when in fact they are doing it to stroke their own egos.
Why would anybody do any of this?
It’s unconscious programming.
"Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting." -Emmet Fox
No one that I know purposely wants to hurt anyone, but they still do it, not knowing they are and somehow convincing themselves otherwise.
I think it’s time to awaken.
When a flower wants to bloom, water it.
Language is so revealing. When someone says, “I like your ideas. I’ll see if I can find your books,” they are actually never going to read the books.
How do I know?
The wimpy phrase “I’ll see if” signals they aren’t committed.
When someone says, “I’ll try that,” they most likely will never try it.
Saying “I’ll try” doesn’t have any commitment.
When someone says, “I have to be honest with you,” they are often actually saying they are going to hurt you but they are hiding their dagger behind the word “honest.”
In reality, there is honesty that helps, and honesty that hurts.
Any statement can be phrased to be soft and loving, or hard and unloving. There’s always a choice.
And so it goes.
Here’s what I suggest:
Really be on alert to the language people use when speaking to you. When someone signals they are about to hurt you or your dreams, brace yourself, run away, defend yourself, or escape. These are the people who convinced themselves they are doing this “for your own good” and if they hurt you in the process, “you’ll get over it.”
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” -Dale Carnegie
Be on alert to your own language, too. Pay attention to your use of wimpy phrases that reveal lack of commitment or true desire. What you speak reflects what you think, and generally comes about.
A friend once told me, “If a person came into your home, dropped their pants, and took a dump on your floor, you’d have a fit. You wouldn’t allow it. Yet that’s exactly what people do when they say negative things: They crap in your head!”
In other words, we have to watch out for crappy language.
People raining on your parade are pooping in your head. Don’t allow it.
When you say something negative or unsporting to yourself, you are pooping in your own head. Don’t do it.
This post is a reminder to watch where you poop.
PS — I’m not dismissing helpful advice that you seek out, and that comes from people successful in the field you are asking about. In other words, if you’re seeking wealth insights, ask a wealthy person. If you’re seeking dating advice, ask a dating expert with a track record for success. But people just randomly stating their negative opinions, coming from no experience in your desired dream, are probably a waste of time. Don’t let them poop in your head.